I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
