he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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