im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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