i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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