I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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