Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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