Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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