So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
