Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
