i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
don't judge my taste in strippers
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
