so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
