jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
