Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
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Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
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For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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