Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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