That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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