I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
as a side note pls kill me
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
