If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize