She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
