i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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