Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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