I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
