i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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