I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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