I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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