If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
