You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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