My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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