you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
