Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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