never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
