I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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