people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers