Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I didn't notice because vodka
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.