Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
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I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
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LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code