I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"