do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
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Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
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Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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