I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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