so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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