Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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