We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
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I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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