I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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