Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
