omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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