the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The uberlube is also flammable
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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