you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
do nipples grow back?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
