I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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