my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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