Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
