the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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