Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
