it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
