After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
