So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
