dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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