Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
