then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
