how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
