How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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