And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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