can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize